We Need Pain

I don’t even know how to document all that has happened this summer; so much on my heart and in my mind. Thankful that I have a God that knows it all!

 From the beginning all my expectations were thrown out the window. I walked into something that was completely different than I imagined…but honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It was amazing to be able to walk alongside Children of Peace in their beginning stages and to have a hand in implementing the Peace Clubs…Such a gift and an honor that Exile gave me.

 And now I am preparing to say goodbye. For how long, I have no idea. I am at a loss for what is next and how God wants to continue to use me here. I have no doubt that I will be back…I KNOW I will be back…but when, how, in what role and capacity….I have no idea!

 I am leaving filled with gratitude. I have been so honored to hear these children’s stories and to have the privilege of working with them. I know I have mentioned this numerous times, but I learned more about love, healing, pain, forgiveness, obedience and hope these past months than any other time in my life. Many women and children trusted me with their pain and I freely entered into it with them. At times, yes, it was over bearing and too much to handle…but if they actually walked it and survived it, then I could listen to it.

 

There were moments when I would start my day and not want to hear of another child having to kill or being burned or drinking urine or eating human flesh…but God gave me grace and super natural strength for those days. There were days when my heart didn’t react to a story. Those days scared me more than any other. It was a sign that I wasn’t present and was blocking the depth of the pain that child walked through. It scared me that the stories started sounding the same and I was lumping them all together.

 But then a few days later I would break. I would feel again. I would have days of weeping for the children and all they have experienced. I liked those days, I finally felt alive again.

 I believe my heart knew the days that my spirit needed protecting to make it through the day. God gave what was needed in every moment of everyday. Through all the emotions, which changed on an hourly basis, I am thankful that I have a God that never changes and remains the same….always.

 The question I wrestled with the most these past few months?  “Where is God in all of this?”  The people I talk to everyday seem to know and they are the ones that had to experience the horrific events…so why can’t I understand it? They believe without a doubt that God is good and that He has a plan for them. Do I believe it? These past few months I have been so challenged in believing in the goodness of the God and in his plan for these individuals.

 After hearing story after story of torture and death, I was struggling with knowing how to respond. I often remind them of God’s love for them and how strong and important they were. But I noticed that as I shared with them I was questioning if I even believed what I was saying about God.

 But then there were days when I believed it. Days when I was on my knees because of the hope and strength I saw in the kids. Children who have chosen to forgive, who love and dream and desire to be so much more than their past. My eyes are able to open a little bigger and I can see a fuller picture. I can see the beauty in their pain. I can see how God has been good to them. I can see how God has protected their life. I can see how the only reason they are standing before me is because of the healing hands of God. Nothing else can explain it. God is in their smile and in their laughter.

 

I am amazed at how God uses pain in our lives to bring greater things. Pain is so needed in our lives. I think of a quote that says “ It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply” by Charles Swindoll. I am tempted to put a value on my pain vs their pain…but pain is pain and we need it to draw us to the heart of God. They get it. They praise and dance and bow down before God after watching their parents get chopped to pieces or burned to death. They cling to the heart of God.

 These children and adults know suffering, which can only mean that they will be effective for God and know more than any of us how to rely on Him for the rest of their lives. God watched as His one and only son was brutally beaten, whipped and had nails driven into his hands. God is not a stranger to pain and there is always a plan….a perfect, loving and good plan.

 God is breathing life into these children. A holy roar of redemption is being heard. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is healing, hope and FREEDOM…..

 

The Spirit of the Lord is here…..