Just a Momma and her Boys!

I was having a very difficult time finding joy today (or should I say CHOOSING joy). I was irritable and overwhelmed with all that we were still trying to figure out in planning for the team that is coming from the states on Saturday.

Isn’t it just like our God to see us exactly where we are and to be so kind as to send along a special blessing to pick us up when we need it? We don’t deserve it, I especially didn’t deserve it, yet He loves to shower us with kindness and to ultimately do this so that we once again are reminded that God is in control and all we need to do is rest in Him.

We were driving through town after leaving one of the schools and headed back to Jane’s. We were parked quickly, as someone jumped out to grab something. Someone then pointed out that some of our street kids ( laughing that I just said “our”, yes I am claiming them now) that we work with twice a week at Child Restoration Outreach were walking by. I jumped out and called to them. Immediately, they turned, had huge grins on their faces and came over to greet me. They are able to eat porridge in the mornings and have lunch at CRO, but they are not fed dinner. I asked them if they were hungry (more through sign language and rubbing their bellies) and wanted to go get some food.

I told the others I was with that I was going to hang out with the boys, Bruno and Oscar and go get some food. They drove off and it was the first time I had ever been alone with these boys without a translator (personally, they can be over-rated at times J) I LOVED every second of it! And of course, sweet Jane then calls me after driving off to remind me to keep an eye on my backpack! J

Bruno

We walked through town a bit until we stopped at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant. We ordered three big plates of rice and three big plates of chicken! The boys were ecstatic when I asked them if they wanted a soda and looked like such gentleman as they put their straws in the bottles and sipped their drink!

We were nearly finished with our food, when Bruno and Oscar started yelling out to some other street kids (also from CRO) that were walking by to come over. These boys, who have nothing, immediately began sharing whatever they had left of their food with their friends. Of course, I had to have them join us! “Waitress, three more orders of rice and chicken and soda!”

Oscar

I had no idea what they were talking about…but they were laughing, giggling, making faces, telling jokes….for a moment in time they were able to be children. They could eat trusting that they didn’t have to fight for their food or have it taken from them. I don’t think my smile ever washed from my face the whole time I sat with them…watching, listening, learning. For moment in time, as I looked at all five of them devouring their food, I felt like just a momma and her boys!

They had so much gratitude and many “apoyo’s” (thank you) were exchanged. If only they were able to understand English I would have told them….”no, thank YOU. Yes, I might have bought some dinner for you…but YOU filled my heart tonight. You brought back the joy that was missing. You teach me about strength and perseverance every time I am with you”

Their bellies were all protruding a bit more than before dinner, a sign that they were satisfied. I hugged them all and we parted ways. They were on their way to find a spot to safely sleep for the night. Walking away was a little easier knowing that at least their tummies would not be grumbling and hopefully sleep would come a little bit easier for them tonight.

Solomon, Ochenosen, Suna

As I walked through the town in the dark on my way home, my heart finally felt more alive. How can something that simple, that little… restore such life? Easy….it’s the art of giving. It’s the fact that being a part of something GREATER is what God has intended for our life….and especially for our hearts.

"Lost in Love" tank or t-shirt!

Ever since I have been here in Lira, Uganda and assisting Children of Peace Uganda I have seen so much need. We are daily handing over money to assist the leaders of Children of Peace, provide money for drivers, cars and fuel, food, art supplies, treatment materials, stops to the clinic for some of the children and so much more!

I am asking for your help! Make a purchase that makes a difference! With a purchase of a "Lost in Love" tank or t-shirt you will be directly assisting in meeting the needs right here on the ground! How cool is that!!! Your money will have a direct effect on the work we do with these former child soldiers!

Sale is open until August 8th! Please spread the word and share to all of your friends like crazy!

Purchase here: http://karihamilton.storenvy.com

Dream BIG!

Today, I sat in a room with doctors, nurses, engineers, pastors, pilots, carpenters, mommies to orphans and a few presidents. What a bunch, huh?? These children of war know how to dream! This is what gives me hope. I recently worked with a group of kids that have received no trauma care and many of them were unable to dream. The children I worked with today give me hope, that soon all these children who have faced traumatic experiences will be able to dream.

 Before I came here, I had a rough couple of months. I am beginning to see why God led me through some trials during that time, so I could share more from my heart the importance of dreaming, even though it is hard. A wise counselor, Jan Meyes-Proett, shared with me that when we push down our deepest desires and do not face them, we put ourselves in a very vulnerable place. We end up doing things that we know is not what we truly desire deep down in the depths of our hearts…but in the moment it seems easier and we rather trade in feeling that at least some of our needs are being met, rather than every part of our heart.

 I have been able to pass this wisdom on to these brave hearts and challenge them to DREAM BIG…bigger than getting school fees, bigger than just a job. Who are they going to BE? How are others going to SEE them? Who are they in the depths of their soul? It is hard and very frightening. You are walking in unknown territory and we don’t know if our dreams will come true…but we dream anyways!

 These children have more strength and ability to dream than I do. I watch them draw, I hear them share…with power in their voice, confidence in their demeanor. They BELIEVE, they TRUST and they walk by FAITH…Lord teach me to dream like them.

 When asked what they are thankful for, these children respond “wisdom” “knowledge” “that God protected me” “that I am ALIVE”…no child in America that I have worked with has ever responded in this way. These children know how to be grateful.

 I walked into the room and asked the group if they remembered what their assignment was from a few days ago. They nodded their heads, grinned and shouted, “DREAM BIG!” Oh I wish I had that moment on recording so you could hear the hope and courage in their voices.

 They put their heads down and listened as I guided them through an imagery activity of picturing their dream. Can’t you just seem them in the future? As I watch them I want to climb inside their minds to see where they are going, what they are doing.

 They sit up and begin to put whatever image that was in their mind into a drawing or words. For a moment in time they see themselves as ABLE, as ACHIEVERS and most of all as DREAMERS. They hear that “All things are possible through Christ” and that they are capable of making meaning of their past through finding their purpose in the here and now.

 All we can do is present our heart, in its truest, purest form to God and trust and believe that He sees and hears all of our innermost desires and will lead us to a place where….

 DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

On Thursday (12^th) we went to a community in Ogur. This is close to Baarylonyo, and if you google this you will read about a massacre that occurred here from the LRA (Lord’s Resistance Army). We were greeted with waving palm branches, singing and dancing from the children and mothers. Africans LOVE to sing and dance and I truly believe this is how they heal. Many of the kids sang for us and it appeared that they wrote their own lyrics about the pain that they have been through, yet how they have survived.

We met with about 50 kids/youth and some child-mothers. All of these children fit the target population that Children of Peace Uganda work’s with. Former child soldiers, abducted, born in captivity or child mothers. We split them up into different age groups and began relationship building through games, songs and dance!

I had the teenagers and we did a few drama games and then we did the “lighthouse” activity (you can read about this in an earlier post).

God then had some plans that I was not prepared for. Our time with them on this day was supposed to be nothing more than just getting to know them and to get familiar with one another before we start the peace clubs with them. We had a little bit of time left and so we had the group come back together. We thought it might be fun to just give them a piece of paper and a marker and have them draw whatever they wanted. I had the translator communicate to them to draw whatever was on their heart.

Their stories came pouring out. I was walking around and as my eyes were glancing at their papers I started seeing guns, villages on fire, rebels, individuals tied up…..and so much more. I began to get a bit nervous because we did not plan for this to happen. We didn’t have the time to sit with each child and talk about what they were drawing. But God had a plan.

I began to stop to sit with a few at a time and ask them what they were drawing. “my village on fire” “watching the rebels kill people” “ here they are tying up all the kids together and placing heavy things on their head to carry” “me holding a gun” “my parents are dead in this picture, I watched them get murdered”…..and the stories kept coming….

I saw a boy (Peter, 16) sitting on the bench staring at his picture. He looked completely lost in it…wrapped up in whatever it was he had drawn. I made my way over to him. I asked him if he would be willing to share with me what he drew. Tears immediately starting welling up in his eyes. He shared about how he was remembering how the children were taken from their homes. Then, he pointed to a picture of a rebel pointing a gun at a mother and her baby. I asked him who that was. He replied “that’s me”….as more tears began streaming down his face. My heart was breaking and I found myself struggling to keep my own tears from pouring out.

He wanted prayer. Prayers of forgiveness. He told me he felt so bad and wondered if God would ever forgive him for what he did. I no longer held my tears in. I wept with him. I held him and prayed with the strength and power of Jesus Christ. I found myself taking the greatest pain in my own life that I have experienced and multiplying that by about 100….to try and understand. It is too great. Too great for me or for you or for him, Peter….but not too great for our God.

Peter and I

As we left our time there, we were escorted out with…can you guess?? Singing and dancing. God sees them. There is no therapy intervention that could bring ultimate healing to these children. The trauma is so severe. Yes, they can learn some skills and we will teach them those skills and different ways to express their pain and their stories. But only God can put their broken heart back together. Only God can turn their memories of terror into beauty. Only God.

Meet the children/youth at Lira Boarding School

I know for me, once I have a name and a face to put with a story it all becomes THAT MUCH more real. Meet the children and youth that are in our Peace Club at Lira Integrated Boarding School. Please take your time. Look into their eyes. Imagine what they would tell you if they could speak. Say a prayer for them. These children have either been former child soldiers, abducted or born in captivity.

Lira Integrated Boarding School

On Wednesday after we met with the street kids, we later went to Lira Integrated Boarding School. This is another place where we are implementing the peace clubs. There are about 30 kids here that fall into Children of Peace’s target group of being abducted, former child soldiers, born in captivity, or child-mothers (gave birth in the bush due to being raped by the rebels).

I am so thankful that my fabulous friend and fear-less leader taught me about “Flex Pills” on my very first trip to Africa in 2010. You never know what the day will hold, and even though you have an agenda and a time schedule to follow, sometimes it just doesn’t happen! We were supposed to have an hour with these kids, but we arrived a bit late, had to meet with the headmaster and then it took awhile for all the kid to get to us. So we ended up only have an half an hour.

But it was a good start to the Empower Program. We spent time explaining what the Empower Program was and the various activities that we will be doing with them.

Since we didn’t have a whole lot of time, I thought it would be good for them to decide as a group what they wanted the rules to be. It is so interesting to me, because in my mind I think about what former kids in my groups back in America have said or done during some of these activities.... and it is so interesting to compare the differences! As they began to list what rules they wanted so that they all felt safe to open up and share I was floored. Here is what they came up with:

1.    Time Management

2.    Cooperation

3.    Discipline

4.    Love one another

5.    Obedience

6.    Respect one another

7.    Forgive one another

8.    Be open to share

9.    What is said in group, stays in group

10.  Have Fun!!!!

We will start trust and team building activities with them on Saturday!

Empower Program/Peace Clubs

I know you have been reading about this Empower Program/Peace Clubs and are probably wondering what the heck it is!? So I thought I would share a bit more with you. Basically, it’s a program that has three parts to it. The first part is the Empower Program. This program focuses on trauma healing and forgiveness. The first part, which we are just now implementing with the kids, highlights emotional strength. We are providing these children with skills to manage emotions, identify their emotions, build trust, coping skills, and then eventually share their stories. We will then move into the second part of the Empower Program which will teach skills on Forgiveness.

After the Empower Program is complete the children will begin focusing on Peace and Reconciliation Skills Training and Peace Building Skills. The last component is Leadership Skills Training. This is a brand new/ground breaking program that Exile International has created and I am so thrilled to be on the ground assisting in implementing it for the first time!

Through all of these different components a variety of interventions will be used, the majority being expressive arts. These children will build and maintain skills and healing through drama, art, music and dance. When a traumatic event occurs in a child’s life or anyone’s life, it is stored in the right side of the brain. This is the side of our brain that allows us to express ourselves emotionally. So it only makes sense that these children are able to tell more of their story and receive more healing when expressive art methods/interventions are used. Many times, children are unable to verbally describe a traumatic event…but once given a marker and piece of paper their story comes to life.

We just completed the first session of the Empower Program with three different groups of children this week! More blogs to come to walk you through how it all played out!

Founatin School Girls who are in the Peace Clubs!

Kick off of Empower Program/Peace Clubs with Child Restoration Outreach

Today (Wed July 11^th), we started with meeting with CRO (child restoration outreach). We have visited them a couple of times in the past couple of weeks to get to know them and to start building relationships with them. These children are all street children. They walk the streets daily and if they are lucky are able to find a place to sleep for the night. They are dirty, filthy…yet melt my heart. CRO is open for these children to provide porridge in the morning and then a lunch. The staff offers a devotional for them in the morning and then some classes to review material that is taught in the school, so when they do get reunited with their family and get sponsors they won’t be so far behind in the classroom. The kids are able to come and take showers and wash their clothes throughout the day.

I love naughty kids; they are my favoriteJ. Even with the population of kids that I worked with in America, I was drawn to the trouble makers the most. This group is mostly all males and they are rough! But think about it, they have to learn how to survive daily on the street…so I expect them to be aggressive and to have such a strong wall built up around them.

We are doing the Empower Program/Peace Clubs with them, in a slightly different way than the other groups. These boys need constant activity, fun and excitement to keep them engaged. They often do not get good sleep during the night, so many times they sleep throughout the day and it is hard for them to stay awake when they have to sit in a chair and listen!

We started with a brief “check-in”. I taped up a big poster and drew a line. Each child came up and identified where they fell on the line. One side was feeling really bad and the other extreme was feeling amazing. The majority of the boys wrote their name on the end of “feeling really bad/sad/not good”. Makes sense. This is a great way to “check-in” with various groups that you are working with. Not only does it show the others where they are at and gives them a chance to not feel alone, but it helps us who are leading the group…to know which kids to be more sensitive with, gentle with.  Of course, while I was introducing this first activity, a fist fight broke out among some of the boys. Another boy stood up and broke them apart. After this happened, I knew I was in my comfort zone! J Love, Love, Love them so much!

 We then introduced the topic of trust and ventured into a fun game of “Light House”. The Empower Program speaks about how when we experience trauma and stressful times in our lives, we begin to not trust individuals anymore. These boys especially have little trust for anyone in their life. They only trust themselves, as they are the only ones who they have to fend against and protect while they are on the street. I am sure their motto is “Trust No ONE”.

One boy was blindfolded at a time. Three others were placed in various spots throughout the lawn…with obstacles in the way. The blindfolded individual is the “ship” and the other three individuals are the “lighthouses”. The “lighthouses” have to get the “ship” to come to them safely. The “ship” then delivers their “cargo” which was sweets (candy). I knew the second that sweets were involved we would have these kids undivided attention!

They had so much fun and I love to see them smile and hear them laugh. Of course, there are the “naughty” ones that ate the sweets while they blindfolded and didn’t deliver them to the “lighthouses” J

We then discussed issues of safety. Did they feel safe while they were blindfolded? Why or why not? They definitely agreed that the only reason the “lighthouses” gave them good directions because they knew they were getting sweets delivered to them! We related this game to their life. So often, we walk through life without knowing where we are going and not feeling like we have a guide. There are many obstacles that we face in our life. So I asked them, who is your guide?

“God” they responded. In my heart I learn once again from these children. Here they are, living on the street, no home, not with their family, not going to school…..yet they know and trust that God is their guide. He is the One leading them and He is who they trust to get them to their final destination, safely.

We explained to them that as they looked around, the boy sitting next to him, he is your family. CRO works really hard at trying to get these boys to work together as a team and support and love one another.

I can’t wait to continue to meet with these boys twice a week. I have learned more through all the clients I have worked with in the past in America, and the same is true here. They teach me so much and I can’t wait to keep learning from them.

Grace

Today was my favorite day so far since I have been here in Lira. When my day is packed full of meeting, loving, hugging, praying and encouraging….then I am energized! Yes, it is outwardly exhausting, but my heart overflows and this is why I love being here so much. I allowed myself to break for the first time today. I realized that I have not cried in a few weeks (crazy I know!) and I continually felt the tears well up in my eyes and I had to push them down until I was alone. It has been so neat for me to see God direct my heart and steps with the different people that we have been meeting and working with. So often, well almost all the time, I always gravitate towards the children. This is where I am comfortable; this is what I am used to. But for some reason, the single mothers of Teso Bah have completely grabbed my heart.

 I struggle to even put words to how amazed I am by these women. They live in the slums of Lira and have very little. Most of the women take care of 3 or more children alone, most not even their own. This is what I love. They take in the kids who have lost both of their parents due to the LRA, either their relatives or friends. They work so hard to try and give them a place to sleep and some food. Most of the kids cannot attend school because the mothers cannot afford to pay for their school fees….those that are fortunate enough to go never know when it might be their last day, because the money might not be there.

 I can’t even imagine. Can you? Would you be able to wake up every day and forge ahead, doing what needs to be done to feed the children when you have lost so much? Yes, I am sure we could dig deep into our souls and find the strength….but doing it alive? Feeling alive? Feeling empowered, beautiful and strong?

 They laugh, they smile and they sing. However, there are some, that when I look into their eyes I can see the pain in their soul. Grace. Her name is Grace….so fitting. The LRA came into her village and abducted three of her children. Two girls and one boy. That same day they also killed her husband.

 One of her girls, Jennifer, has returned. I asked “how was it possible that she escaped without her siblings?” Once the LRA figures out that they have a group of siblings they immediately separate them into different groups. They fear that if they keep them together it is easier for them to make plans to escape. Can you imagine? Not only have you just been taken from your mother and father, but now you are forced to leave your brother or sister. You are alone.

 The other two have not returned. I am confident that Grace still believes that they are alive and begging God to bring them back to her. 9 years. 9 years she has been waiting.

 Grace has two additional children and including Jennifer takes care of 3 of her biological children as well as two little ones (still unclear as to their identification). She works at the market, selling what she can to make whatever little money possible.  There is such depth in her eyes. She has lived through so much. Soon I will hear more of her story and record a message from her that she would like to tell the world. She has a voice and she has a story that needs to be heard.

 Trusting and believing in God’s great plan for all of these women.

Love at First Sight

I don’t know her name. I have no idea what her story is. But there is something about her........

I was walking the slums and our eyes met. She was instantly filled with a smile and we gravitated towards each other and embraced. I was captured by her beauty. I had a deep sense that she had experienced so much pain...it could be the only explanation as to why she radiated such joy and I was overwhelmed and silenced by her soul. No words were exchanged that either of us could understand.

Looking at this picture, at first glance, your first thoughts would not be “beautiful”. She has many wrinkles, no hair, missing teeth. But in her presence...BEAUTY was the only word that filled my mind. Her face, weathered with years of life, years of experience, years of wisdom. I have a feeling that I have so much to learn from her. I am bound and determined to find her again. To sit with her. To listen to her. Hear her wisdom. Learn from her strength.

Africa always and continues to transform and radically teach me about beauty and what it means to truly, deeply, be beautiful. Oh how I have so much learn. May we find each other again sweet soul.........

Time to be REAL

It was 4:30 am on the 19^th of June and the power was out. I was packing up the rest of my belongings with my flashlight and trying to be quiet, as to not wake my team members. I was preparing to leave Canaan’s children home and head to Lira for the next two months to work with Children of Peace Uganda for Exile International.

This was not an easy transition for me. I was so emotional and exhausted from the last two weeks with my Visiting Orphans team that every part of me wanted to jump on a plane and head back to America.  I didn’t want to have to sacrifice comfort anymore. I was done. I was sick of being dirty, having no hot water and no water pressure, missing diet soda, bug bites, not having nice hair, sweating, small spaces and couldn’t stomach another day of rice and beans. I was beat. I felt alone. I was scared.

God was so very kind and gentle with me. I was provided many days of rest to recuperate and to rejuvenate my soul. My greatest prayer was that I would be reminded why I was here and that joy would again return to my spirit. God reminded me that this was His battle and not mine.

It was so hard for me to experience the variety of emotions that was taking place. I didn’t expect to NOT want to be here! I have never been so much out of my comfort zone like I have been here. Even though it has been hard….I needed it. To be in a place where everything is stripped from you, everything that you know, everything that is familiar….brings you closer to God. Being here I can SEE, FEEL, HEAR and TOUCH God more than ever before. I am reminded that God is ENOUGH!

Once I made my way out into the town of Lira and began to see the faces of the children there was instant joy and a knowing in my soul that everything would be ok and that God’s timing and plan is perfect.  

When you get to hug a child, kiss the cheek of face that you know has seen so much pain, tell the women how strong they are and hear story after story of how their pain has turned to beauty….it is worth it. All my discomforts and complaints are nothing compared to this. It is humbling. It takes being real and knowing that I am absolutely nothing without the power and strength of the ONE inside of me.

The journey here in Lira, with Children of Peace and Exile is just beginning. Lord, may your ways continue to shine bright and may you continue to teach me how to sacrifice so that YOU may be glorified. You never said that things would be easy….but you did promise that you would be with us every step of the way.